Dog the Bounty Hunter Broke My Nunchuks

Halloween Party
Originally uploaded by roadkillbuddha.

Halloween 2006 Recap: After not doing much in the past few years to celebrate the only holiday that I can really get behind, I was happy when my boss Kevin announced a Halloween Party for Saturday night, giving me a reason to get a costume together.

Of course, chronic procrastinator that I am, Saturday afternoon rolled around and I was still trying to think of something to dress up as. Knowing I had the makings for about half a ninja costume, I'd been trying to think of something funny and incongruous to combine it with. Themes I considered were Pirate Ninja, Clown Ninja, Office Ninja (like an Office Linebacker, but more lethal), Homeless Ninja ("Will Kill For Food"), or even NASCAR Ninja (but all of the NASCAR jerseys we sell at the store are WAY too expensive, especially considering that I'd never wear any of them ever again under any circumstance).

Finally, while walking through Wal-Mart, I spotted the rack of orange safety vests, and Safety Ninja was born. Nothing says "stealth" like a glow-in-the-dark orange vest. And while Safety Ninja easily bested Zorro in a sword fight, he was no match for Dog the Bounty Hunter, hence the title of this blog entry.

While the Halloween party on Saturday night was a lot of fun, Halloween Night was a bit of a let down. I wore my costume to work, but needn't have bothered, as I think we averaged about one customer per hour for the duration of my shift. And an accident involving an 18-wheeler and power lines that afternoon had left the store without cable TV. So I'm sure I was a pathetic sight yesterday... a 37-year-old comics geek in a ninja costume, sitting alone in a comics shop for hours on end, bored out of my mind. And the situation when I got home was eerily similar, as I went from having no customers to no trick-or-treaters. (Oh well, I guess I'll just have to haul all the leftover candy down to the store... what a shame).

But I did celebrate the holiday by finally watching my SLiTHER DVD last night. A truly funny and twisted horror movie with a number of great performances, it will definitely be one that I watch again and again.

So remember kids, be safe on Halloween. Don't die by accident... wait for a ninja to kill you.

Irredeemable Ant-Man #1

The first issue of Robert Kirkman's new Marvel series, The Irredeemable Ant-Man, hits comic shops next week. Ant-Man's alter ego, Dr. Hank Pym, has long been the Rodney Dangerfield of the Marvel Universe, so it stands to reason that the cover of #1 would describe Ant-Man as "The World's Most Unlikable Super Hero." Pym don't get no respect... from anyone. Not from his one-time teammates in the Avengers or the Ultimates, not from comics fans, and certainly not from Marvel's scribes.

Over the years Pym has been portrayed with a variety of mental problems, including amnesia, acute paranoia, and some sort of multiple personality disorder (besides Ant-Man, he's also fought crime as Yellowjacket, Giant Man, and Goliath). He's a wife-beater, known in the regular Marvel Universe for verbally abusing and eventually striking his wife, Janet (The Wasp), whereas his counterpart in the Ultimate Universe once attacked Jan while she was shrunk-down to her Wasp form, spraying her with insecticide and sending an army of ants after her during a final round of domestic violence. Oh, and he also invented the supervillain Ultron, a psychotic, genocidal android. Not surprisingly, Pym was eventually expelled from both the Avengers and the Ultimates in disgrace. I'm guessing the reason for termination listed in his personnel file was "all-around douchebaggery."

So clearly the writers at Marvel have not been kind to Hank, but Robert Kirkman (The Walking Dead, Marvel Zombies, Invincible) takes Pym-dissing to a new level by relegating him to the status of a supporting cast member in the Irredeemable Ant-Man series. That's right -- Marvel launches a new Ant-Man book and Pym only gets a bit part. Like I said, no respect, no respect at all.

The new Ant-Man is a low-level SHIELD agent who stumbles across the newest ant-themed super-suit in Pym's lab on the SHIELD Helicarrier after bashing Pym's skull in with the butt of a rifle (adding injury to insult, you might say). Indeed, the majority of the supporting cast is comprised of low-level SHIELD agents, operatives so out-of-the-loop that they spend a poker game debating whether or not Nick Fury might be nothing more than an urban legend created to give the agency a cooler image.

Irredeemable Ant-Man #1 is enjoyable and amusing, though honestly I thought the best gag of the issue was the cover (see above; click to enlarge). Of course, while I initially expected this series about a self-centered protagonist who uses his powers irresponsibly and for personal gain to be played strictly for humor, Kirkman promises that the series will get "very dark." As a major fan of his Walking Dead series, I find that prospect intriguing and will follow the book to see where he takes it.

The art is by Phil Hester and Ande Parks, a penciller/inker combo I last remember seeing on Kevin Smith's run of Green Arrow. I find it a little bit on the cartoonish side, but so far it seems to be a good match for the characters and subject matter.

Ant-Man: The Movie

It doesn't look like Hank Pym will be garnering any more respect when he makes the jump to the big screen. Just as the new Irredeemable Ant-Man comic is about what happens after a SHIELD agent steals Pym's Ant-Man suit, Ant-Man director Edgar Wright (writer/director of the awesome Shaun of the Dead) announced at this summer's Comic-Con that the movie will be about what happens after Scott Lang steals Pym's Ant-Man suit. It would seem the denizens of the Marvel Universe have no more respect for property rights than they do for Hank Pym.

Update: Ant-Man is also scheduled to make an appearance on Cartoon Network's Fantastic Four cartoon in October. From Comics Continuum:

"WORLD'S TINIEST HEROES," airing Saturday, Oct. 7 at 8 p.m. and Saturday, Oct. 14 at 11 a.m.

One of Reed's experiments goes awry, causing the Fantastic Four to begin shrinking. Within hours, the Fantastic Four will shrink out of existence, unless Reed can reverse the effect. But at miniature size, even a trip to the lab becomes a challenge, even more so when the security systems recognize the action figure sized Fantastic Four as an infestation of rodents and begins to hunt them down. Even with a helping hand from the Astonishing Ant-Man, the Fantastic Four are in for a giant-sized challenge.

Truly Inspired Iron Man Casting

AICN broke the news today that Robert Downey, Jr. has been cast as Tony Stark in Jon Favreau's Iron Man movie. (Iron Man will, of course, be played by CGI).

I am astounded at what a perfect bit of casting this is. Anyone that has a passing familiarity with the respective backgrounds of the actor and the comic book character he would be portraying will see the obvious parallels in their personal battles (Downey, Jr. with drugs, Stark with alcohol). If the movie poster doesn't say "Robert Downey, Jr. IS... Iron Man," then someone in marketing is drinking on the job.

What's really encouraging about the news is that it represents such a brave choice on the parts of both Favreau and Marvel. I doubt that Downey, Jr. is on anyone's shortlist of ideal action heroes, meaning there's going to be a lot of bitching and moaning from ignorant fanboys. And of course, Downey, Jr.'s drug problems have complicated productions in the past (he had to be written out of the Ally McBeal series, for example), so I'm sure there are people who consider it risky to place him at the center of a superhero movie franchise.

I see this as a strong indication of Marvel Studios' commitment to adapting their own properties into quality films. Not only is Robert Downey, Jr. a name actor, but he is also an extremely talented one, as evidenced by his Golden Globe award and his Oscar and Emmy nominations. Having him as the star would lend a lot of credibility to a rather obscure comic book adaptation.

Here's hoping that on Friday someone attached to the Iron Movie confirms rather than denies Downey, Jr.'s casting.

Update: Sweet! Jon Favreau has already confirmed the announcement on the MySpace Iron Man Movie Group...

It is true. Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark. I am about as excited as I can be. I saw what he can do and he is extremely enthusiastic about playing Stark. I can say with absolute certainty that there is no better choice. The humor and emotional dimension he brings truly raises the bar on this project. Get ready.

Justice Rats

You know, I'm beginning to think that almost anything dubbed over Superfriends clips would be funny. (In this case, it's Kevin Smith's Mallrats). Special thanks to whomever emailed me this gem.

Superman: The Wrath of Zod?

Important Announcement:

Starting immediately, I'm calling for a moratorium on the Wrath of Khan analogy. You can blame Bryan Singer -- he ruined it for everyone.

At this summer's San Diego Comic Con, Singer used the analogy to indicate that the follow-up to Superman Returns would have more action. "I plan to get all Wrath of Khan on it," he announced, then later explained himself to TODAYonline:

"What I was referring to was the fact that, when you do a first film like X-Men, for example, you're introducing a world and a set of characters. Once those characters are introduced, once we've lived with them for awhile and we know them, when you get into a second film like an Empire Strikes Back or a Wrath of Khan, you can make an action-adventure film and you don't have to bank all that time getting to know the characters. Now you can raise the stakes, raise the jeopardy and make a leaner, meaner movie."

I call bullshit.

This is Superman that Singer is talking about, an icon who needs no introduction. Superman and his supporting cast have been around for almost 70 years now, and in that time they've been adapted from the comics into numerous movies and television series, both animated and live action -- not to mention other media, such as radio shows, novels, and newspaper strips. The television season immediately preceding Superman Returns' summer box office premiere included on its schedule both the WB's Smallville and Cartoon Network's Justice League Unlimited. I don't think the intervening weeks were enough to allow Superman to drop out of the public consciousness.

And it's not like Singer had a bold new vision of the Superman mythos that the audience would need time to adjust to. Superman Returns was basically a revival of the Christopher Reeve movie series with a new cast and state-of-the-art special effects. Honestly, I think the movie could have started off with an aerial slugfest over Metropolis between Superman and Bizarro, and the audience would have managed to keep up.

Describing the TODAY interview, Mark Beall over at Cinematical writes that Singer "simply pointed to traditional comic book movie wisdom, and said he meant the first movie had to be consumed with character introductions and relationships, the second movie -- like the old Wrath of Khan -- could jump right into the action." Beall went on to conclude, "He's right, of course, with the conventional wisdom he suggested..."

And that's what I'm talking about. I'm not really attacking Bryan Singer, who still has a lot of street cred with me for what he accomplished on the X-Men movies, but the conventional wisdom that his comments stem from. His usage of the now-common Wrath of Khan analogy was simply the spine-snapping straw responsible for the quadriplegic camel.

Because it's an analogy I hear constantly, every time a new comic book movie franchise kicks off and the fans feel the need to defend the lackluster results. They repeat this assertion that the point of the first movie is to get the characters' origins out of the way, and then the real fun can begin in the second one. My problem with this conventional wisdom is that it is essentially describing a television pilot, not a movie.

The first episode of a TV series is supposed to establish the characters and their world for the audience. A movie is supposed to be a complete package that can stand alone on its own merits.

After all, not every successful movie launches a franchise, which means that the characters, world, and action all have to be crammed into one story. It can be done. Blade Runner, Titanic, The Thing, Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Saving Private Ryan, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Braveheart... all one-offs.

And what about action heroes who do return in sequel after sequel? Should Indiana Jones, Martin Riggs, or John McClane have had slow, plodding introductory movies before their action-packed debuts in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lethal Weapon, or Diehard? Should Dr. No have presented the audience with more biographical data on 007 before launching the James Bond franchise?

What I find truly ironic is that it's the comic book superheroes -- characters who have been around for decades and therefore have an actual chance of being familiar to the audience -- that people feel are in need of introductory "pilot" movies, as opposed to original characters who owe their existence entirely to the movies in which they appear.

That's even more true with Star Trek, the origin of this Wrath of Khan analogy. Star Trek: The Motion Picture wasn't slow and plodding because it was introducing the movie audience to the Star Trek Universe... Gene Roddenberry's vision of the 23rd century had been on television non-stop since the series debuted in the 60s. It wasn't created to set up the "leaner, meaner" Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. No, ST:TMP began it's life as a pilot for the Star Trek: Phase II television series, which was scrapped when it was decided that bringing Trek to the big screen was more important than getting new episodes on the small one.

And when The Motion Picture's box office debut was met with criticism from critics and fans alike, lessons were learned and applied to the sequel. The Wrath of Khan simply represents a different, and more successful, take on the Star Trek mythos. The two movies were not created as part of some grand design to introduce the characters and the world in the first one, and then launch straight into the action in the second.

Mistakes were made and lessons were learned. That's why the second movie in a series is sometimes superior to the initial one, not because of what the initial one supposedly needs to accomplish.

Granted, a movie like X-Men does have a complex world to set up; Marvel's mutant universe can be impenetrable to outsiders if not presented correctly. But X-Men isn't lacking for action because it had to introduce the mutants and the world that hates them. It's lack of action stems from the small budget Singer was given to work with, due to the studio's lack of faith in the comic book franchise. When X-Men proved itself, Singer was given more money for X2, which itself was so successful that the studio ponied up even more dough for X3, which if nothing else provided us with some epic fight scenes.

Similarly, if the Fantastic Four sequel proves to be better than the original, it will be because someone learned from the mistakes that were made. The sequel needs to embrace the source material, rather than try to minimize the fantasy elements in a misguided attempt at realism. (And if the inclusion of Silver Surfer and Galactus is any indication, they certainly seem to be on the right track). And the same goes for Marvel's Incredible Hulk do-over. On a certain level, comic book superheroes will always be ridiculous. If you want to win over the audience and get them to suspend their disbelief, you need to make a rollicking good movie, not one that is apologetic and embarrassed by its source material, or that tries to bury its absurd elements under an increasingly unstable pile of pseudoscientific justifications. (I'm looking at you, Ang Lee. Throwing in starfish and genetic tampering from birth and God knows what else doesn't make the Hulk's origin any less ridiculous than Bruce Banner getting caught in a gamma bomb blast. It just makes your overwrought movie that much more tedious).

In discussing his proposed sequel for Superman Returns, Singer also invokes The Empire Strikes Back, which I think makes my point for me. The Star Wars Universe, I would argue, is even more complicated than the X-Men's world (which at least is set on Earth), yet Lucas had no trouble establishing it in Star Wars: A New Hope without skimping on the action. The reason that Empire is considered to be superior is not because it ramps up the action; if that were so, then Return of the Jedi would have to be considered the pinnacle of the original trilogy. Empire succeeds on its artistic merits.

Despite my disappointment with Superman Returns, I do hope that Singer is given the opportunity to make a sequel. He's shown what he's capable of with the first 2 X-Men movies (and if you want to see what he brought to them, you need only look at what's missing from X3), and he remains one of my favorite directors. I can only assume that his trotting out of the "traditional comic book movie wisdom" was due to his understandable defensiveness regarding the less-than-stellar reviews he had to suffer through all summer. Because when Singer insists that Superman Returns is exactly what the first movie in a new franchise needs to be, I can't help but hear Pee-Wee Herman, having just fallen off his bike, saying "I meant to do that!"

Screenplay Collecting for Comics Geeks

Last week over at Alligators on a Helicopter, Scott the Reader posted a story about his days as an addict of sorts, buying screenplays from his "script pusher" in Manhattan. This led to a discussion in his Comments section about what scripts people own, how they acquired them, and why. Which got me to thinking about my own collection of scripts, many of which I acquired long before I had any intention of being a screenwriter.

I got started in the late 80s or early 90s, picking up overpriced, zillionth-generation xeroxes of screenplays at comic conventions. All of them were from genre movies -- science fiction, horror, comic book adaptations --and most were selected for their "special features," such as scenes that ended up on the cutting room floor or were never filmed at all. Other screenplays I picked up because they were for movies or sequels that never made it out of development hell.

For example, the 3rd draft of Sam Hamm's screenplay for Tim Burton's Batman still included Robin's origin. The screenplay for Terminator 2 had a definitive (and superior) ending, rather than the vague and open-ended (sequel-friendly) one that Cameron went with. And since Buckaroo Banzai was already one of my all-time favorite films, I had to see if there was any brilliant weirdness in the script that might not have made it onto the screen.

Then of course there was Sam Hamm's screenplay for the proposed Watchmen movie (written long before Alan Moore asked to have his name removed from the credits of all movies and graphic novels that he doesn't own the rights to), and the uncredited script for Lost Boys 2.

I also picked up a few treatments, such as George Lucas's "The Star Wars" from 1973, in which Luke Skywalker is a general in the 33rd century, and Fall of the Republic, John L. Flynn's version of Star Wars: Episode III from 1983. And shortly before the series premiere of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, I acquired the "Writers/Directors Guide" and a booklet on "Initial Concepts for Staff Writers." And speaking of Star Trek, somewhere along the way I ended up with screenplays for episodes from the original series: "The Naked Time" and "The Changeling." (If the person I got those from is reading this, and those were a loan rather than a gift, and you've been wondering where they've been for the last 10-20 years... well, now you know).

After I became interested in writing screenplays myself, I discovered that I still owned a paperback copy of The Fisher King: The Book of the Film, another relic from my heavy collecting days. I remember ordering it sight unseen, based solely on my love of the movie. Reading Richard LaGravanese's screenplay, I realized a few things: It is extremely good (one of the best I've ever read, actually, and strong enough to get Terry Gilliam to break his vows to never again direct someone else's script or work in Hollywood); I could, obviously, learn a lot from studying it; and finally, that I really prefer reading scripts that have been published in book form to xeroxed pages held together by brads. The text is more aesthetically pleasing and easier on the eyes.

I still go to the occasional comic con, but I don't bother with the tables of screenplays. For me, they're just one more casualty of the internet, where I know I can find the same scripts for free on websites like Drew's Script-O-Rama, The Weekly Script, Simply Scripts, IMSDb, TWIZ TV, and numerous others. But because reading scripts on a computer screen has its own set of drawbacks, I still prefer reading them in book form. And they look cool on my bookshelf. Other favorites besides The Fisher King include Bubba Ho-Tep (with Don Coscarelli's screenplay, Joe R. Lansdale's original short story, plus introductions by both of them); The Donnie Darko Book (which includes the screenplay by Richard Kelly, an intro by Jake Gyllenhaal, a Richard Kelly interview, lots of artwork, and pages from The Philosophy of Time Travel); and Men In Black: The Script and the Story Behind the Film (a big, glossy, full-color affair with lots of photos, Ed Solomon's script, and an official MIB Agents' Manual). The cost of these film books can add up quickly, though, so whenever I'm ready for another batch, I search for used copies on Half.com.

And since returning to comics retail, I've discovered that comic shops are also good sources of screenplays. My copy of Kevin Smith's Clerks II: The Screenplay came from Paper Heroes, for example. But more to the point:

IDW Publishing, the publisher of the Angel comic books, also publishes Angel "scriptbooks"... screenplays from popular episodes of Joss Whedon's TV series in comic book format, with illustrations by artist Jeff Johnson.

I've got Angel: Scriptbook #5, which is appropriately enough the issue that contains Jim Kouf's script for the episode "Five by Five." You know, the one where Faith, the rogue vampire slayer, shows up in Los Angeles and tortures Wesley. Good times, good times. (Nothing against Wes, mind you, it's just that Faith is one of my all-time favorite television characters).

Other issues include the scripts for the pilot ("City of"), "Spin the Bottle", "Waiting in the Wings", and "Sanctuary". And in November, IDW will be reprinting five of them in the Angel Scriptbook Collection: Volume 1, with a second volume to follow in March.

I'm not sure whether the intended target audience for books (or comic books) of screenplays is primarily fans or screenwriters, but either way, they're an extremely handy (and collectible) resource.

The Feastday of Saint Gulager

Feast, the last (and apparently final) movie created as part of Matt Damon & Ben Affleck's Project Greenlight, had its official world premiere on September 12 at the Palms in Las Vegas, but this weekend is its special limited release in 100 theaters across the country. Tonight and tomorrow night, horror fans have the opportunity to catch a midnight feature of Feast on the big screen before its DVD release on October 17.

It's been a long wait since the end of season 3 of Project Greenlight on May 12, 2005, closing our window into the production of Feast and director John Gulager's battle to protect his creative vision while coming to grips with the studio system. Whether you thought he was a genius or a madman (or a little of each), his journey was certainly entertaining to watch.

Also fun was following the evolution of Feast's story and monsters. I read the early and revised drafts of the screenplay by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, comparing them to see what cuts had been made for the sake of their limited budget, and was amused when the opening frames of the trailer answered the question of the creatures' origin, which was still being debated at the end of Project Greenlight.

I'd been planning to drive the 2 or 3 hours to the nearest theater showing Feast this weekend, but now that those plans have fallen through, I'll be eagerly awaiting the DVD. Hopefully the 3rd season of Project Greenlight will be released along with it.

For more information, check out the official website and the blog on Feast's myspace page.

As an aspiring screenwriter and independent filmmaker, I really miss Project Greenlight. Hopefully those of us living in the U.S. will eventually get to see Project Greenlight Australia.

Feast Countdown Clock

More on this topic later. Right now I'm taking care of pesky deadlines.

A Princess of Mars

Veronica Mars in the Princess Leia slave costume from Return of the Jedi? This may be the first time I've ever been sold on a movie based on a single frame. But if you need more info...

This promo image of Kristen Bell is from the upcoming movie Fanboys, "...a comedy about friends, fans and delusions of grandeur. Fanboys takes place in the fall of 1998, a time when everything was pure and Star Wars ruled the world once again. We follow four life-long best friends who travel cross-country in an attempt to break into George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. Their mission is to see Star Wars: Episode I early when they discover one of the young men in their group is diagnosed with terminal cancer and will not live long enough to see the film in theaters the following May. This film expresses what it means to care about something so truly that you would do anything for it… what it means to be a fan. This is a film for the fans, made by the fans." -- Kyle Newman and Matthew Perniciaro.

More images are available at IESB.net. Personally, I can't wait. While the plot is reminscent of 1992's Breaking the Rules (with C. Thomas Howell, Jason Bateman, Jonathan Silverman, and Annie Potts), in which a group of friends discover that one of them has terminal cancer and drive him cross-country so that he can compete on Jeopardy before he dies, I think the heart of Fanboy will be the Star Wars geekdom. And, of course, Kristen Bell in a metal bikini.

Bubba Sasquatch

When Bruce Campbell asked the audience at the Houston premiere of his Man With The Screaming Brain which Bubba Ho-Tep sequel they would prefer -- Bubba Nosferatu or Bubba Sasquatch -- I seemed to be one of the few in attendance rooting for the latter.

Personally I think we already have an overabundance of vampire films, and besides, Elvis and Bigfoot are a match made in Weekly World News heaven.

So I was a little annoyed last week when Yahoo! Movies ran the poll below.

Bubba Nosferatu received the most votes -- no surprise there -- but whoever created the poll left Bubba Sasquatch completely off their truly uninspired list. (Seriously, Bubba Lucifer? Bubba Shambler? Lame.) Don't they even read their own movie listings? Bubba Sasquatch is mentioned in the Yahoo! Movie descriptions of both Bubba Ho-Tep and Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires.

The good news is that writer/director Don Coscarelli has suggested that Bubba Sasquatch will be the third movie in the Elvis-fighting-monsters trilogy. Even better is the news that the first Bubba Ho-Tep sequel seems to have moved from the "cool idea" phase to the "actually getting made" phase, based on Paul Giamatti's confirmation of the rumor that he'll be co-starring with Bruce in Curse of the She-Vampires early next year. Giamatti (Lady in the Water, The Illusionist) is set to play Elvis' eccentric manager Colonel Tom Parker.